New Studio Set Up

It looks like this at the moment but I have just acquired a few more bits and bobs to make the job easier and some big bits of free MDF. I feel a bit of  DIY SOS coming on ;-)

Pictures of the progress as we go to follow folks, watch this space ;-)

Bits

Had a small windfall and a bit of cash arrived so have bought a new rear sub frame and seat for the bike. Should be with me next week and we can look at starting the changes. The first job is getting the bike set up level and secure so we can get at it with a grinder and welding kit when we get stuck in.

Pictures of it all as soon as it's set up .

Back into it!

Back at it, I have a few parts to get and then it's up to Alien to weld the lugs for the new subframe and plastics along with the new tank mounts we are going to need. This is it, into the last ever bike I will build. Yes,, yes i know I've said it before but this is the last time, this one will have to last.

More as it happens

:-)

Exhausting day!

It's been a right toil today, I have no energy and have gotten frustrated once or twice. The manifolds are mocked up and tacked up but I for the life of me could not get one of the tubes at the bottom end to sit right. I gave up in the end and cut it off to look at again tomorrow. No point trying to do a two man job on my own and losing my rag!

I'm using an old stainless manifold For a GS engine I had lying about , I've just chopped it up to suit. It's going to be a two into one with a cherry bomb if I can ever get it right! I'll have another go in a day or so. Beer and roll-up time! :-)

Indicators!

Had a session with some bits of steel and the welder. I used tabs similer to the ones we mounted the rear indicators with and some round bar to knock up the mounts in the pictures

Today's task is to show Kayleigh how to mix 'bog' and how to sand it back using wet and dry sandpaper and a bit of soapy water. It's very likely Kay will be painting the bike herself with a bit of help from me mixing and masking so we need to make sure the preparation work is spot on.

We are waiting for the right hand side panel to arrive and then we can finish the body work and concentrate on sorting the exhausts out.

Outside the shed!

I'm just a bit chuffed, 'B' has lent me her 'Yammy' 650 flat tracker for a bit. it's got a SU carb fitted on a home made manifold and because of the noise it makes it's called 'Putty Thing'.

'Brum, brum', Kay thinking on what it could be like.

'Err, the brakes, where are the bloody brakes?'

I'm rather taken with it myself, looking forward to getting it running and out on the road. it's a massive change from the kind of thing I used to ride, perhaps I'll get to see some of the lovely scenery that's normally a blur ;-)

Kay's Baby Bobber out in the sunshine, the seat has left the building and the next time it's bolted on will be the last job of the whole build. More indicator fitting shenanigans as they occur ;-)

Shiney, shiney things!

I've had a muck about looking at mounting the rear indicators. Bit of steel 20X3 mm flat mild, a bit of drilling and a spot of tacking up and hey bloody presto.

Nice looking bits of kit thanks to Hobbit, his Harley won't miss 'em and to be honest they look just the job!
The rear end is about done now apart from the welding on the bits we have added or changed. It's about turning the bugger over soon so Alan can get in and weld all the bits we can't reach at the moment.

Alan will be round in the week to weld 'em up and I'll be thinking about the way to mount the front indicators next ;-)

Mucking about with mocking up!

I have been at it again after a bit of a rest, seems it's a few hours in the garage and the rest of the week knackered and mostly horizontal but hey any progress is good!

I have been exploring options for the wiring at the back end, the number plate mount and a bit of fiddling with a back rest our Kay has proclaimed must be fitted or else!

I've had another go with the fibre glass as well and there is no longer a gap betwixt the side panel or top cover on the left of the bike, Pictures below. Once the other side panel arrives I'll do the same on t'other side.

The original side cover lip now tucks away under the lip of the cover, much like it did with the original seat.I think it's a lot tidier and will keep most of the weather off the K&N filter we are fitting

I've drilled the middle of the cross on the mud guard mount and fitted a steel tube with a hole in the bottom and near the top. The top will be capped with a welded bolt and turned down to make it pretty.

The wiring for the rear light is going up the tube so will be hidden apart from near the light itself. It carries the cross through two planes now and looks not too bad at all.

  The number plate hanger is welded to the back of the upright cross.

The aluminium mount is for the seat pad, It's off a Kawasaki so I had to file the lettering off. The mounting points for the seat pad will be picked up from behind the seat to the arms of the cross and that should stiffen the whole back end up nicely.

Time for a roll up and brew, or perhaps even something a bit stiffer!

Mucking about wi' Fibre Glass

I have come up with an idea to hide the tank mounting rubber and keep a lot of rain away from the electrics.

Looks a bit of a mess

Cardboard covered with tin foil as a former

Looking good

Both sides too!

With the side cover rubbers installed there's a small gap but it'll be filled with a seal.

Looking the business.

And I made a start on repairing the mudguard too. I have also applied a liberal dose of 'bog' to the huge dings in the petrol tank. Then I ran out of energy and had to have a coffee and roll up ;-)

Baby Bobber, Seat and Headlight

A good session in the garage with Alan welding and Mick brewing with me stripping the seat down saw us make some inroads to being closer to a full strip down. Once I'd stripped and cleaned the seat base that she was gifted by a mate Stevie, Alan welded the mounting bolts to it and sorted the pivot point for the front end.The seat is mounted on a pivot and springs and is set at a height that Kayleigh is comfortable with. It's going to be re-trimmed and have a fringe around the base.

Ignore the mess under the seat, I'm mid muck about with some fibre glass to make a cover to keep the worst of the weather away from the electrics and the K&N air filter we are going to fit.

The headlight mount is going to accommodate the horn and perhaps have some mounting brackets for a tool roll. It's a seven inch bates she was given by Steve and Sam along with the set of bars it is currently sporting, she loves the look.

More as it transpires in a mostly ordered fashion ;-)

Baby Bobber, Mudguard and Rear Light Mounts.

Thanks to a visit from my mate Alien we now have some weld where it needs to be and somewhere to bolt the rear light and number plate to comply with current legislation. Just a few bits and bobs to fabricate and then it's a full strip down for powder coat and paint.

Exhausts are next while I search for switch clusters and brake and clutch levers, I have decided that if we can find a right hand side side-panel we will go with the standard kit and have them painted up to suit with the rest of the bits.

Very happy with today's progress, thanks to Alien stuff is actually staying on the bike when it's welded up ;-)

More importantly, Kayleigh-Jean is more than happy with the way things are going which is good news ;-)

Baby Bobber Rear Shock Mounts

They are also cunningly disguised as rear mud guard mounts too.

Now the more mechanically minded amongst you will remark that the mounts are on the piss! Correct! They are just tacked in with the minimum of weld for now in case I need to change them or move them slightly so they shifted a bit when I hung the weight of the swinger and wheel on them. Obviously they will have a liberal dose of hammer and weld applied in the near future by a much better weldist than I could ever be so will be bob on when complete.

Ignore all the holes in the mud guard, they will be glassed over and new ones drilled to suit the mounting points and light mounting bracket.

Methinks it may be possible to use the original battery box with a few modifications and if I can find a right hand side cover I can use them too. had to call it a draw today, recent exertions have set the sciatica off and my right leg is alternately tingling then minging with pain so a rest has been ordered.

More later this week.

Baby Bobber

This little project is for Kayleigh-Jean, she's the arty, creative one of my two girls. Kim the elder does the sporty stuff.

It's going to be chopped about a bit and the first stage was to remove the rear sub frame and fabricate new shock mounting points. Pictures of that to follow but below you can see just how much we have gotten rid of.

We have a saddle and headlight on the way along with another tank to have a look at. I'll bung a few pictures of them up when they arrive.
We need new stanchions for the forks, they are pitted to buggery and need replacing. I need to make a battery box and something to bung all the electrics in. I have to check the hubs too, they may need replacing.

We have already swapped the bars out, the set it had fitted are twisted and no use at all. The exhaust is probably the best bit on the bike and we'll be using most of it. We need the switch clusters for both sides, brake and clutch levers and the loom is falling to bits and will need some serious remedial work.

The clocks are not too bad and will be used once they have been painted up.

More as things develop

Bennets bike dream competition

http://www.bennettsbikerdreams.co.uk/dream/view/237/0

It would be really cool if you could see your way to voting for me on the link above.
I'd love to be able to finish and adapt my special so I can get to more rallys and shows.

Cheers in advance ;-)

Forum Trolls a pox on society?

    Cyberspace and the ‘Biker’ within

I have been thinking about life in cyberspace rather a lot lately, like some I think that the World Wide Web has it’s benefits to society but it also has its downsides. Often used by people for very dark and nefarious reasons it has become a place where even angels and cherubs fear to tread. Fortunately I’m neither.

Personally I have found the Internet to be a useful tool for research and reference when writing articles and submissions for various publications and as a place to occasionally play when I need a break from writing or being the nominated driver for my young family. When not employed doing my thing I can be found hooning about on my bike or trike handing out information leaflets and generally trying to raise awareness of the National Association for Bikers with a Disability www.nabd.org.uk

I must admit that when my health gets the better of me on occasion it’s been a way to keep in touch with people I know and a way to track down old friends from my youth.

It has also been a great place for me to tell people of the great work the NABD is involved in and to showcase our fine association. I never miss an opportunity to mention NABD on just about every forum and chat room I visit.

I have to admit that occasionally the bigotry displayed can piss me off but I try to stick at it because if I can get just one person on the particular bit of cyberspace I’m visiting to look at one of the NABD websites and perhaps reavaluate their opinion I consider it a job well done.

The proliferation of websites, forums, and chat rooms has affected the way most with a computer and internet connection conduct their daily lives, some of it for the better but a lot of it is used to further peoples own agendas. Unfortunalty some are rife with so called ‘bikers’ who seem to great a great deal of perverse pleasure in ridiculing the efforts of disabled bikers to live as normal a life as possible and enjoy the freedom and independence of riding their own machine.

I know of some folk who spend all their time on the Internet, trying to find the things they feel they lack in their personal lives, many don’t realise just how dangerous this sort of fantasy life can be. The internet in it’s many forms has become a place where small narrow minded individuals can live some sort of pseudo lifestyle where they believe they are some sort of super hero that folk may look up to. They talk a great game but when it boils down to actually dragging their miserable carcasses out of their sad dark little rooms and actually riding a bike they are found out. Some of the idiots that spend time belittling others are most likely to brick it when the going gets tough and I have left one or two shaken and more than a little stirred on a blast over the Snake Pass and the Cat and Fiddle.

The ‘friendships’ I have struck up with folk on the net are tenuous at best and rarely last.

Only occasionally do you meet someone you have met online in real life that turn out to be the person they claim to be.

Most are just sad individuals who are in it for their own gain or trying to make themselves more interesting than they really are.

I have had the misfortune of having to debate several of these boneheads on my travels through the myriad of forums and websites set up by folk trying to build some sort of reputation for themselves. Sadly a lot of these useless tosspots succeed and are followed blindly by people with the mentality of sheep.

 I have recently visited one where certain sad idiots feel it is ok to ridicule bikers who despite a disability get on with their lives without let or hinderence to anyone else. I often get frustrated by the inability of some people to listen to a sensible point of view and even more so when they are only interested in talking to people that share their own views or are weak enough to be bullied into joining in with a point of view just to fit in.

 To be fair though, some folk set up websites and forums for decent enough reasons and try to genuinely help other people with a particular problem or just offer a place for a friendly chat. Some forums and chat rooms are actually quiet good at providing relevant information in a format easy to understand and with decent support. I could name a few off hand but part of the fun is finding these places for yourself.

Most chartrooms and forums ask you to sign up to a code of conduct when you register, a lot of which entails agreeing to not be abusive, racist, sexist or have a go at the various religions.

There’s a lot more IST’s I can’t be bothered to list but you get the general idea

All well and good, until you get into the chat or forum and it’s quiet evident from the off that the rules were clearly written to be broken. Often by the folk that wrote them.

Now I’m no prude as many who have the misfortune to know me will attest, but the whole point of having rules and checks in place is to ensure that people are protected to some extent and are not victimised for their beliefs, sexual orientation, religion, race colour or creed, or in my case being a disabled biker.

I happen to agree with the principle of having these checks and balances in place whilst acknowledging that most of us are grown ups and should be able to take care of ourselves but there are those in society that are vulnerable and those that thrive on preying on the vulnerable.

In some cases the Moderators on these forums are the instigators of the abuse so it’s unlikely a sensible approach would work, what should happen is the Mods on these forums should weed out the shitheads and ban them from the sites but it’s not likely if the very folk supposed to ensure the balance and checks are implemented are the tossers taking the piss the most.

I recently read a comment where disabled bikers were described as “ Wanna be’s with bad backs” now the comment as I understand it was made in jest about a person who was being a bit of a knob and deserved to take some flack, but read out of context it could have caused a lot of upset and argument. It’s about perception and unfortunatly once a comment like this is made and posted it’s hard to retract and repair bridges so to speak.

Despite the anger and despair I feel when I come across this sort of thing I try to encourage all of them to take the time to visit the NABD’s own forum www.forum.disabledbiker.co.uk.

It’s a forum with an eclectic mix of different personalities with a great sense of humour where bikers can give advice to fellow bikers about the adaptations available to all bikers with a disability to ensure they are able to enjoy the freedom and independence of riding their own machine.

I also try to encourage them to come along to our rallies to meet some of the bikers the NABD has helped back onto the road and to see that we are as much a part of the biking community as they themselves.

We like any other biking family would make them feel most welcome despite their attitude, show them round the machines with adaptations and generally ensure they have a good time and hope they leave with a different attitude towards the Association and it’s members.

When all’s said and done we are all Bikers and should all treat each other with the respect everyone deserves.

Ride safe and party hard.

Bloody Bike Shows

Do any of you have a love hate relationship with anything? I fucking do! It’s judging bike shows. No matter how you approach it you always have someone having a little dig after the fact. I sort of take exception to the fact that because my fellow judges and I passed a bike by or thought it wasn’t as good as something else people think it’s ok to badmouth folk. I cop for grief all bloody year from some folk, it’s always the same bloody gripes too I wouldn’t mind so much if they came up with a new one now and then.

Let me explain how I approach judging a bike show, it may give you an insight to just how bloody hard it can be. Then decide if you are man or woman enough to step up and judge it honestly on the criteria you set yourself.

Those criteria should be the only ones you use, once you start letting organisers tell you how to judge you may as well just ask them for a list of winners and look like you give a shit at the trophy ceremony. 

I use the following formula, I use it not because I’m any great shake as an engineer or bike builder. I’ve helped build a few and done two of my own with a fair bit of help and advice but that by no means should lead anyone to believe I’m any great authority on the subject and that’s why I have a formula that I stick to. I've learnt from experience that using the same method every time is the best way to do this sort of thing and folk get used to how you will judge their event.

I always watch the bikes and trikes arrive if I can, for me it’s not just about how a bike looks, I want to see, hear and watch the bike or trike rolling in. I like to see just how useable they are at low speed and what they look and sound like.

As far as I’m concerned you should experience the whole package before you make a decision on a category.

I don’t like shows where bikes are trailored in, I just won’t judge those machines, they get walked past every time so. If it needs to arrive on a trailer it must be broken or un-ridable.

I won’t judge at shows where bikes are roped off, I like a bloody good look at a bike and if it’s roped off my suspicious mind screams ‘ ropey’ at me. Again, a show I’d rather not bother with ta.

I don’t consider cost, whether it’s a bolt up build, something clever done in some shed in a back yard or a professionally built bike or trike. I’m not arsed if it cost a grand or ten, what matters for me is if the thing makes sense in the category it’s entered in. By the time the judging actually starts I’ll have already made a short list of bikes and trikes I like. I then wait and see what the other judges think and see if I like any of their choices enough to be swayed. I find a team of three is best, you are never stuck for a final decision. I’ll judge with a team of two but only with someone I know has the same sort of criteria I have to avoid long pointless arguments while beer could be being drunk.

Another thing to remember is impartiality, if your mate has a bike in a show and it’s the best one there give the bugger a prize. But if it isn’t, do the right thing and walk on by, you’d only be bullshitting yourself and doing some poor sod a disservice. Hopefully your friendship will be strong enough for him or her to get over it pretty quickly, if it isn’t perhaps you need new friends.

My final consideration is whether I’d like to open my garage and find it waiting to play out. If I think I’d be able to live with it on a daily basis it’s going to get my vote. Balls to the clever engineering, ten coats of paint, trick exhaust or 20K price tag on occasion, if it floats your boat that’s just the way it is.

The other thing everyone seems to forget that as bikers we are all individuals and prone to thinking and saying what we think. We don’t always agree, that’s just how shit works so get over it. It’s the fact that some folk don’t get it that gives rise to the hate side of the whole thing.

The upside I suppose is the fact that in time some folk learn to trust your integrity and judgement and do you the honour of asking you to judge their show. The prize giving’s also give me pleasure, it’s gratifying to see the appreciation of a good effort rewarded with a trophy. Some folk are lucky enough to win loads of the things but for some folk that one trophy will be the pinnacle of their bike show lives. Those are the ones that are special and a great pleasure to hand over. That’s the love side of the equation.

There you have it, my take on judging bike shows. I just needed to get this one off my chest so there! Like I said earlier, I’m no bloody authority on bike and trike building and some bike or trike builders may even think I’m a cheeky cunt but I don’t really give a toss. I do what I think is right, I might not always be right but at least I give it a fair shake of the stick every time I am asked to judge a bike and trike show. I'm only asked four or five times a year so at least the stress is not too bad.

All I ask of anyone who doesn’t like the decisions made at shows is for you to put yourself in the shoes/ boots of the judges and ask yourself one question. Am I playing it straight? If you can do that I suppose it doesn’t really matter what other folk think or say.  I am however one for the old ‘put up or shut up’ way of thinking so unless you’re prepared to step up and do it at least once yourself give the judges at bike shows a bloody break.

That’s it, rant over, my wine glass is empty and it’s time for a rollup. See some of you at a rally or show sometime .

Peace be upon you all innit!

HOW IT ALL STARTED

Well, on a racehorse to be honest, my dad had aspirations for me to be a flat jockey (the man clearly never understood genetics). My dad had his own business and consulted for all of the big engineering firms so moved in high circles. One of those circles swung pretty close to the Oppenheimer stables and resulted in me riding the Sunday gallops at Turfontein Race Course near Johannesburg; our family emigrated when I was only 5 years old. I loved the speed, racehorses go faster than push bikes. I must have been 13 or 14 by the time the Jockey Academy in Durban had decided that I was going to be too big to ride racehorses for a living ( Man, they had no idea ) Having out grown any chance of getting into the jockey academy I was indentured to my godfather as an apprentice patternmaker.

 As an incentive my old man got me a 1981 Honda MB 5 to get to work on. One of Hondas first attempts at building a 50 cc bike that wasn’t embarrassing to be seen on. The other really appealing thing was that it would do a bit more than 36 mph, which is roughly flat out for a racehorse. I crashed it on the first day I had it. The additional 5 or 6 bhp the Honda produced was heady stuff to a 16 year old. Thusly, I became the first in my family that aspired to be a biker. Not long after starting work I found out that working for my Godfather who was in business with my pop was a bad move, I also found the dust from certain types of timber would set me off coughing and spluttering for days. I had a mate called Kenny working at Honda who sort of persuaded the boss to give me a job being a counter assistant with occasional workshop privileges. Ken is still a mate, we chat on face book occasionally. In fact Kenny and I went on to start a small club with a few mates and drink lots of beer and generally get ourselves into all sorts of laddish and loutish behaviour but that folks is a different story all together!

 It suited me down to the ground and most of what I earned went on beer and stuff for the bike, it got an expansion box and port job, the seat tray was cut out and the auto lube was junked. It ran on Castrol RD 40 premix and smelt of chips. It went like shit off a stick for a while before it destroyed it’s self in a most spectacular fashion after one too many sessions polishing ports. The piston made a really funny noise as it tried to squeeze out of the pipe. I was totally bereft, robbed of my speed rush.

In a strange quirk of fate, at almost the same time my engine was destroying itself a chap called Chris was hitting a termite heap at about 60 mph with his left peg and foot while racing an Enduro event on his IT 175 Yamaha. A foul noxious contraption that had a reputation for trying to kill the uninitiated that sounded like an out of control chainsaw between your legs.

A few days after getting out of dry dock Chris approached my father and explained that he had paid for a full season racing enduro and MX in the enduro class. He further explained that due to a small lapse in concentration his big toe was now 4 mm long and would require a fair amount of rest and surgery before it would once again resemble anything remotely like a toe. As a result he couldn’t wear his MX boots.

.

Would it be OK?  At no cost to my Pater if he put me on his bike for the rest of the season? He asked.  My dad succinct to the core replied “ As long as you don’t kill him” After much wailing from Mater and a firm promise that if I killed myself she could kill me next I was allowed to do one race to see if I was any good at staying alive. How to survive the first time? Condoms or a Swiss army knife were not going to be much help, I needed a bit of training it seemed.

Chris had a plan, he arranged for me to go riding on the mine dumps with the guys he normally trained with. What’s a mine dump you ask? A big pile of dry cofferdams for mining waste.

Generally a couple of hundred meters long by half again as wide, thirty meters high with a flat soft top. Over the years the rain forms massive tunnels and caverns through and over these monuments to industry. Absolutely mental, terrifying but fun. These are some of the most lethal places I know to go riding.

Chris’s only advice  “ Stay on the dirt roads on the way there, the tar fucks the knobblies up. Stay close to the ‘okes’ and don’t get hurt hey?” A question? A statement? Who knew?

To be more accurate “ Who cared?” I was 16 years old, I had a job, access to booze, weed, wimmin and a sort of sponsored ride on a quick bike. I was over the ‘kin moon man. Life was GOOD!

I survived the training sessions and despite making a complete fool of myself in the first couple of races I managed to get away relatively unscathed, just. I could crash quiet well by the time I had figured out that dirt bike riding is 90% out of control 2% in control and 8% luck and the size of your balls (or whichever part of the anatomy the ladies choose to substitute) I also did some flat and grass tracking on oval courses on the IT and that was a lot of fun too.

 I walked funny, talked with a squeaky voice on occasion after losing the pegs and finding the tank with the plumbing. I twitched and shook and spoke with a trembly voice. Essentially I was hooked and beyond redemption. I was, am and will always be a petrol head and adrenalin junkie. I still get a shiver of excitement every time I hear a two-stroke chatter by.

I rode for a club with some fantastic folk, some of  whom are still mates today, I got hooked on the lifestyle as well as the speed bikes offered.

I’ll not try to bullshit any of you into thinking I was much good at it, I did manage to finish most races over two seasons and even got a third on a shitter of a day. The rest either fell off, got bogged down or gave up that day and I rode the ride of my life and deserved third. Ok fair enough, one podium in 31 races, crap I know.

But it was a fun way to discover the freedoms biking can bring, whether it’s racing dirt bikes, riding with your mates in a club or blasting down the drag strip looking for a perfect ET.

A lot has happened since then, some good, a fair old bit of bad and some I’d rather forget (I was in the SADF between 83 and 89 but that’s another story too ). But hey! You live and learn, I still love bikes and riding, I still get a buzz when I press the starter button on a bike or trike. Especially the ones I have helped build or refurbish.

The Last 19 years have been different for me though, a fall from a roof and a bad day playing in goal on a frozen pitch have left me a little less able to do the silly stuff.

A bad car crash in Wales in 1994 just about finished me off and resulted in a really bad case of PTSD and other mental health issues. I kid you not one iota, if Wendy hadn’t been about I’d not be here to write this, Wendy and my two girls gave me renewed purpose. I was determined to be a good dad whatever else life threw at me so sort of coped and got on with it. I did manage to break a shrink and two psychiatric nurses along the way but I coped.

I’d thought biking was over for me with the nerve damage but finding out about the NABD about eleven years ago has changed my life. One of our neighbours has a brother who rides with one arm on an adapted bike , she was kind enough to introduce us and he told me about the National Association for Bikers with a Disability or NABD as it more commonly known.  

I joined and within a few months had decided to put a bit back in, I went and met Rick Hulse the chairman . I shook his hand and the rest as they say is history, 10 years I’ve been muddling through with him and the rest of the Committee, helping to run the leading biker charity in the world and I think we do it rather well.

So there you have it, it all started on a horse.

Kim scoring a 20 yard free kick.

Kim in action, wearing white, no 11

Stand up comedy benefit evening for Kim Seddon

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=204982646191979

The Frog and Bucket Comedy Club 102 Oldham St Manchester M4 1LJ http://www.frogandbucket.com/manchester/ Kimberley Seddon is a talented young football player from Ashton-Under-Lyne who has been offered a four-year football scholarship at Wisconsin University in the USA. The cost of this four-year course is fully covered by the university as part of the scholarship. However Kimberley and her family must meet the cost of travel, insurances, personal expenses and some ancillary equipment. Sadly the costs relating to this golden opportunity for Kimberley are far beyond the means of her family and while they and a number of their friends have rallied around to support Kimberley in following her dream it has become all too apparent that without additional sponsorship this wonderful opportunity and indeed the promising future of this very talented and intelligent young lady will come to nothing more than one more bitter failure of our society to nurture and support its brightest and best youngsters. This is the chance of a lifetime for a bright young lady whose dream it is to one-day play football for England. We aim to see that she gets this chance! The superb line-up of comedic talent at this event guarantees a night of top-class entertainment featuring: Greg Cook (Headliner) Jonathan Mayor Ruff Daddy & Bad Mutha Dave Twentyman Rick Hulse (Host & Compere) Tickets are just £6.00 each for a fantastic night of comedy and the chance to change the life of a talented youngster for ever. That's more than just a bargain! for advance bookings telephone: 0161 236 9805 Anybody wishing to donate to this fund can send a cheque made payable to: “The Kimberley Seddon Scholarship Fund” and send it to: 69 Penrith Avenue Ashton-Under-Lyne Lancashire England OL7 9JQ The scholarship fund will be independently administered by Shirley Hauxwell and Derek Durham (both of whom are also registered charity trustees of the NABD).

Wom and the bats.

Wom, a game much like cricket but played with Wom and Wombat is a burgeoning sport in some circles. It requires very little skill or understanding the game of cricket and involves beer and or cocktails.

Sadly it will involve a little effort and danger but happily some of the effort involves the fine art of ‘Fingering’. For full instruction on the finer points of ‘fingering’ please see ‘ Fingering – From Albacore to Zebra, you can do ‘em all!’ Available in hardback form Philistine Publishing at a value price of £3-99. Penned by that fingering philanthropist’ Il du Everyting’, Polynesian Zen master of all things fingering wise.

Once you have mastered the finer points of fingering you will be fully prepared to prepare your wombat. Wombats, contrary to the nonsense published in most zoological publications are not just grumpy, burrowing, powerhouses with attitude from New Zealand that poo* cubes but they are in fact ideal for playing Wom.

A little known fact that the wombat despite being very difficult to handle without specialist equipment* is especially susceptible to fingering and can in fact be ‘fingered rigid’ Once rigid it’s stubby tail and broad shouldered body lend themselves to the wombats secret purpose for being. Being the bat in a game of Wom. Once prepared your wombat will remain rigid for at least four hours and I’ve never known a game to go beyond two and a bit. In fact if you have the right person mixing the cocktails it’s all done and dusted in two. It winds up being a last team standing sort of deal.

Obviously you are also going to need a Wom, it is after all the point of the game to strike the hurled Wom as hard as you can with your wombat.

Procuring a Wom is perhaps almost as dangerous as preparing a bat and should only be carried out by professionals.

A Wom is made up from the following components, all of which are rare as hen’s teeth or bloody dangerous to procure.

First you will need the left hand sack from a male kangaroos scrotum, it has to be the left hand sack, as these tend to hang lower and leave enough of a flap for sewing. One of the more obscure rules of the game dictates the kangaroo must survive the procurement so it’s a hands on job.

A kangaroo is a marsupial from the family Macropodidae (macropods, meaning 'large foot'). Being from ‘Australia’, a ‘ Bloke’ and defiantly Liking the ‘ Sheila’s’ Male kangaroos unlike most marsupials cannot be fingered into submission. In fact inserting any part of your anatomy into a male kangaroo’s chocolate starfish will result in severe injury or death or both. The best way to render your chosen kangaroo senseless is with a tranquilliser dart but ‘Real Blokes’ club them with a cricket bat.

The second and perhaps the most rare part to a Wom is the filling,  A short spined echidna covered in cotton wool balls. The echidna from Australia and the cotton wool from ‘Boots’. Echidnas and the platypus are the only egg-laying mammals, known as monotremes. The female lays a single soft-shelled, leathery egg. They roll into a spiny ball when threatened.

You can sew them in alive but it might be best to find one that has expired from heat stroke avoiding ‘Blokes’ chasing kangaroos.

The game itself is simple, you need two teams of even number and booze . The playing field need only be about 50 yards square, or oval or even round if you prefer. Set out much like a game of cricket but without all the poncey safety gear most ‘Blokes’ avoid being seen in. There are no runs as such it’s scored on a single, half and pint formula. A single being just that a single. Once the Wom is hurled and struck with your wombat any Wom that falls within the boundry results in a single run scored and a single downed. A Wom that is struck and rolled  to the perimeter is counted as a half, effectively scoring a run and having a half to down. Any Wom that crosses the perimiter is two runs scored and a pint down.

If the Wom stikes a wicket the Batter is out and has to leave the field of play and continue drinking an equivalent to every run his team score.

This is where tactics and hollow legs are often an advantage as it’s the team with the most players left standing that wins the game.  Catches are a rare  as you have to be either mad or very drunk to want to catch a kangaroo scrotum stuffed with a dead spiny marsupial, cotton wool or no cotton wool. A high run rate is not always the best strategy in a game of Wom. There are often cases of total team collapse and occasional bouts of hysterics but all in all it’s a pleasant way to pass an afternoon should all of the shite on telly not appeal.

Give it a go, start a Wom team and see if you can win the league.

See you at a game sometime, somewhere soon. .

Grabbing the bull by the.......

Now it strikes me that the trait of ‘Grabbing the bull by the horns’ is an admirable one. And in fact several great technological advances have been made in the most part because of the tenacity of the inventor. Television, the jet engine, the steam turbine all seen as madcap inventions not worth the time but now are things we can’t live without. We wouldn’t have the magnificent bikes we ride today had someone not decided to fit an engine to a bicycle and see if it’d work.

Great battles have been won against the odds when a leader has faced a problem head on and stuck to his plan despite advice to the contrary. Waterloo, Trafalgar, and El Alamein. All battles fought and won despite being out numbered or outgunned because the commander of the day ‘Took the Bull by the horns’

However it’s evident that often ‘Grabbing the bull by the horns’ is confused by a lot of folk with a lesser known phrase ‘Grabbing the bull by the balls’.

Although it’s the lesser known of the two phrases it’s sadly the one most implemented.

Now believe me, ‘Grabbing the bull by the balls’ leads to nowhere but ridicule and misery. Sadly most that do grab the wrong end of the bull are the type that despite all sensible evidence to the contrary, believes that they alone are right.

I’m talking about people who having discovered you can’t fit a round peg into a square hole will persist in trying anyway just on the off chance a miracle will happen. Finally they may as a last resort demand the hole should have been round before they were given the job anyway.

I’m talking about folk who despite written proof their position is wrong persist on taking the moral high ground. People who despite being given information in an easily understood format will only accept the information if it coincides with the viewpoint they take or answer they are seeking.

I’m talking about people who despite ultimately realising the bull is well pissed off with his tackle being squeezed still hang on like their life depended upon it.

They know that it’s going to lead to shame and ignominy but cling fanatically to the balls hoping against hope that someone somewhere will jump in and save them from themselves.

The type that often post in a thread to carry out personal agendas or vendettas for some perceived slight or misconstrued comment. The type that bottles it when asked to step up and do a bit instead of whining all the time. The sort of person who despite all promises to the contrary will always let you down.

Who am I talking about?  Bloody keyboard warriors is who!

You know the type, pasty faced, and sweaty palmed “Pug form the Beano” look-alikes hunched over a keyboard in the small back room in their mum’s house. Totally nocturnal and allergic to work, been on the drip since he left school type of troglodyte that’s the apple of his mummy’s eye.

Who according to their online persona are better looking, stronger and more intelligent, better paid and more sexually active than anyone else in the chat room or forum. The type who claims they know celebrities and drive flash cars. The type that regularly rides like a dick but always ducks the plod as he has no equal on two, three or four wheels and should be racing but hasn’t the budget.

The type that flies relief supplies to the needy and consults for MI5. The archetypical stand in when 007 is having an off day.

These are the type that cause a lot of hassle in chat rooms and forums with their crappy attitude and negative waves all the time. The type that with their incessant whining and top trumping in every thread or topic totally ruin the spirit of the forum.

These folk are not urban myth, I’ve seen it happen to several forums and chat rooms in recent years and it has put me off visiting many of the once decent forums and chat rooms.

Registering a Home Built trike for use by a Disabled Rider

It’s a safe bet that some of the readers of this blog are disabled bikers and perhaps even members of the National Association for Bikers with a Disability www.nabd.org.uk. It’s probably also safe to say that like myself they are on a limited budget when it comes to getting on the road and will have had to have a trike built, or even built one at home with the help of friends and family.

Being a home built vehicle its going to need a thing called an MSVA (Motorcycle Single Vehicle Approval) Easy enough to book and have done if your trike is built to the criteria laid out in the MSVA and it complies with the C&U (construction & use) regulations. It might fail however if it has adaptations for use by a disabled rider fitted to it.

The list of reasons a perfectly well built but adapted trike would fail the MSVA is a bit long to list here but if your trike would fail because it’s adapted for use by a disabled rider it’s not all bad news.

Fortunately there is a way to get your registration and inspection sorted out without too much bother. As a disabled person you are entitled to use a dispensation within the legislation that means that you only have to take the trike to your local DVLA site or office for an inspection before registration and for a MOT and weight certificate so they can issue your tax disk. The MOT station should also be able to stamp your frame number on for you. The weight of the trike will also determine the class of MOT it will be subject to and the price of the MOT. A trike with a weight of less than 410 kg will be a class 3 test and cost £35-00, any trike over 410kg is class 4 and will cost £50-00

I have been through the process and have been taking notes so that I may be able to steer some of you through it without too much hassle. This is sort of how it went.

Contact your local DVLA office and ask for form V627/1 a Built Up Vehicle Inspection Report and form V55/5 Application for a first licence for a used motor vehicle and declaration for registration.

Now I have to point out that my trike was home built using components from at least 4 different vehicles and as such is classed as a built up vehicle and not a new one. There may be different forms for other vehicles.

Make sure the person you speak to at the DVLA has all the information about your build and adaptations so they can send the correct forms. There’s nothing worse than having to fill in and post a second set because you were sent the wrong ones the first time.

The DVLA staff at the Manchester office were extremely helpful and made sure I received the correct documents to complete.

I found taking the forms into our local office a better option than posting as it saved time and one or two mistakes were corrected on the spot instead of having to wait for them to be posted back and forth.

Some of you may have been told that you can ride the trike to the inspection. This is not true and if caught you could face prosecution, the trike needs to be on a trailer. As an unregistered vehicle it is not allowed on the road and the DVLA staff told me it had to be on a trailer when it arrived for the inspection.

The Manchester office of the DVLA will not do a home inspection on your trike so if you live in the area you need to take this into consideration. Each office has it’s own way of doing things so it’ll be best to check than wind up disappointed.

It used to be the case they would but in an effort to reduce waiting times it’s now an appointment at a DVLA approved site instead.

Apparently it saves time as they can do more inspections in the time available if they do not have to travel to folk’s homes. I’m all for this as I expected to wait for a month or so at least but got in within 2 weeks.

There are some folk that tell me that they did it differently and rode to tests etc, or in some cases they had home visits. That may well have been the case but recently things have changed at the DVLA concerning the process with regards trikes and bikes built for use by disabled riders, for the better I hope. Hopefully in the near future all DVLA offices will start to use a countrywide strategy to get this done as simply and as quickly as possible.

So off to the inspection, not a MSVA test but an inspection to show that the trike is exactly as you describe it on the built up vehicle report and the registration application. Make sure you arrive in good time, these places run like clockwork and you will not be seen if you are late.

At the inspection the DVLA Inspector took a few photos and took the details of the parts down for comparison with the receipts I had submitted. He then told me he would put the details in the system that afternoon to produce the documents and Identity for the Trike. They would be posted out the next day. Once they arrive you can then take it for a MOT test and stamp the VIN on it. You can make your own Vehicle Identity Number up but I found it best to let the DVLA issue one as it saves time.

The DVLA will then issue your tax disk and registration number with for your trike.  They will issue a number plate authorisation certificate so you can get your plate. Your registration document will arrive in the post a short time later. It’s also a good idea to itemise your receipts and include the list and all receipts with the forms when you send them off.  I would also write a letter explaining your reasons for building the trike and highlight any adaptations you have fitted to suit your needs. This makes it easier for the staff at the DVLA to process your application without them having to contact you for additional information.

The more you tell them the first time means they don’t have to waste time writing to you. You will also need to include your DLA 404 to prove you are in receipt of the disabled tax entitlement. The proof of entitlement is down to the person registering a trike and you will be liable if you make a false declaration.

It’s a relatively simple process but make sure you have all your paperwork in order and I strongly suggest you do a proper job of the build. Even though our trike is not having an MSVA I am pretty certain it would pass one. Don’t do a half-baked job on your build just because you can get it registered without a MSVA, your safety and that of others depends on your building it right.

It’s also worth noting that if you fit a bolt in rear end you may be able to have your trike re- registered without having to have an MSVA or use the dispensation. I did my GSXR with a bolt in rear end and I only had to have a visual inspection and pay for the tax disc once it had been re- registered as a trike.

There are also some sad people out there who think the dispensation within the MSVA for a disabled rider is a loophole to be exploited. This is well out of order and in fact is a criminal offence. Supplying false information on the declaration you sign is in fact fraud and you will be prosecuted if caught out.

Rick Hulse, Chairman of the National Association for Bikers with a Disability put a lot of time and effort into winning the dispensation for disabled riders and it should not be abused. The NABD is always involved in ongoing consultations to try and improve the system and protect rider’s rights to build and use home built trikes and bikes.

If the abuse continues the government will pull the dispensation for disabled riders and ruin it for hundreds or even thousands of disabled riders all over the country.

The build wasn’t easy, or that hard come to think of it. The process of registering the trike was simplicity itself. It was only easy because I took the time to make the calls and gather all the paperwork I needed. I do think a simple bulleted leaflet with the steps on sent with your application forms from the DVLA would be helpful and hopefully it’s something they may consider and implement in the near future. It would save people a bit of time having all the information before you apply.

Like most things in life, It was easy because I made sure I got all the information I needed before I tried to register the trike and if you go about it in a similar fashion you will have relatively little bother in getting on the road.

I’ll be doing it all over again once the new trike build is done, I’ll see some of you on a country lane sometime soon.

Summer is upon us, the weather is looking decidedly ‘trikey’; remember to take care out there while enjoying yourselves.

Ride safe folks.

MSVA Information

 http://www.nidirect.gov.uk/index/motoring/owning-a-vehicle/mot/what_other_test_do_driver__vehicle_agency_carry_out_/the-motorcycle-single-vehicle-approval-msva-scheme.htm.

Links to DVLA information

Form 55/5 http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/motoring/buyingandsellingavehicle/registeringavehicle/dg_4022316

V627/1

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/diol1/doitonline/dg_4017568

My daughter Kim

http://www.greenbayphoenix.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=110178&SPID=13700&DB_OEM_ID=22500&ATCLID=205107994

Football scholarships in the USA, A Parents DIY Guide.

Being a parent is a tough job sometimes, it’s a very expensive one if you have two or more kids, especially if they all love playing football. Both of my girls are football mad and play the game most of the year. Most women’s and girls teams in the UK are funded by subs and parents with two or more kids do struggle to make sure they all get into organised sport.

It’s even harder if they have ambition and a fair bit of talent to be able to get them into the clubs that have the best coaches and players. The reality is that travel and training costs make it almost impossible for some kids to get the right training program for them as a player. The same has to be said in respect of the rising cost of university education in the UK and the huge debt your child could possibly carry into the first years of their working life. This is even more evident when you are from a disadvantaged background or your parents are on low incomes.

That’s where a football scholarship could be a solution, not only in the development of your son or daughter as a player but the chance to study at a good university and gain a degree.

Now some of you may be wondering why we chose to look at American colleges and universities, the simple answer is choice.  To get our daughter into a top football program coupled with the right courses for her at a UK university would be almost impossible without her having to rely heavily on student and personal loans all of which would add up to Thirty thousand pounds or more. This is clearly not going to be appealing to a seventeen year old who has watched her mum struggle to juggle finances to make sure both of our girls get to enjoy football.

With a full scholarship all we have to deal with is the cost of flights and medical insurance. Over four years we will only need to find about sixteen thousand pounds to cover her costs. It works out 14k or so cheaper in the long run.  Still not cheap but a whole heap easier to pay off in a sensible timescale at reasonable rates.

Now there are ‘specialist agencies’ that secure scholarships for ‘hundreds’ of students annually, we spoke to four of them and even went to an interview with one.  I use the term interview loosely here; it was more a power-point presentation and sales pitch. When the young chap mentioned a fee for a training game and a further two grand to facilitate offers of up to three ‘full rides’ and at least 9 offers of varying degree without even seeing my daughter play we thanked him for his time and left. The lowest quote we had was two thousand pounds up front; it was never going to be an option for us. In fact the one we went to see was clearly that focussed on getting the money out of us he forgot to tell his office we weren’t interested and we had them ring on two further occasions trying to set up interviews again. I finally had to speak to them in some rather colourful language that made our position very clear.

Be aware of

Now before I tell you how to do it I have to let you know a few things I have discovered while looking into scholarships in the USA.

The first thing you need to understand is that the Student Loans Department, Sport England, UK Sport and all of the other government funded bodies are a dead end. Not one of them will help you secure funding to travel to the USA to study. If you choose to study within the EU you might get some of it by way of loans and grants. Apparently it is a case of opportunity for all but only if you study where they dictate because of long standing agreements with the EU.

The FA will not help either. Despite my daughter being identified as gifted and talented, someone our county FA wants involved in coaching and refereeing young players in girls football. There is no assistance available from the games governing body. I often struggle to reconcile the FA claims of ‘football for all’ when it’s clear that there is no real support for youngsters who come from disadvantaged backgrounds as individuals. All of the support seems targeted at clubs or community projects or on those few players that make it into the centres of excellence.

Some banks will do career and development loans but only for those students on courses they cover under their particular scheme, it’s a very small list too. The only other option they offer is a personal loan but the repayments on that would start immediately and to be honest there are many families in financial positions that would preclude them from applying for one anyway.

The upshot being that even if your kid is good enough to secure a ‘full ride’, and they are few and far between it’s going to cost a bit to get them to and from the USA a couple of times a year. Many universities also only offer annual scholarship deals that are performance based so you could start on a full deal but have it cut at the end of any given year based on not only football performance but performance in the class room. Many universities in the USA pride themselves on a good GPA from student athletes.

Most prospective students may have to rely on family for funding and hope that they qualify for grants or bursaries from charitable organisations and benevolent trusts. Not easy to do and very time consuming but it can be done with a bit of work.

My final word of caution before I let you know how I went about securing a scholarship for my daughter is this.

Be absolutely sure your kid has the mindset and attitude needed to deal with being separated from family and friends for 9 months of the year for four years at least. If you have the slightest doubt, stop reading this now and go and brew up.

How I did it

I suppose the first thing to tell you is this, it’s not going to be free, easy or done in two or three days. It’s going to cost you about £500-00 as a rough guide depending on just how much effort and time you put into it. I’m laying it out, as I would do it now given all of the research I put in and information I have available.

 Five hundred pounds is a lot cheaper than paying someone two grand to tell you about all of the costs I’m about to reveal and send a few emails. The fifteen hundred quid I saved avoiding the ‘specialists’ is nearly the cost of a years flights to the USA.

The biggest expense you are likely to incur other than the airfares and insurance is going to be for good quality un-edited video footage of your kid playing for their club side. The higher the level your son or daughter plays at the better.

 If you own a camera and know what you are doing with it you may well save yourself a heap of money. Most of the coaches we contacted asked for links to You-tube so they could have a good look at what my daughter offered to their program as a player.

Don’t edit the footage, it only gives the impression you are trying to hide your kid’s weak points. If they know the level your youngster is at they can start to plan how to develop them as a player. It might cost up to £250-00/300-00 to have the video done professionally. I dropped lucky as I have a mate who does video production for a living so I saved the cost as he donated his time and services.

Send the links to your footage along with your youngsters CV, GCSE and AS level results to the coaching staff at the universities in the NCAA divisions 1 and 2. In my experience none of the Division 3 schools will offer scholarships. Approach the universities you feel offer the right program and courses for your son or daughter to pursue their chosen career path. You can find a comprehensive list of Division 1 and 2 universities and colleges at http://web1.ncaa.org/memberLinks/links.jsp?div=1

The NCAA is the National Collegiate Athletics Association and they are the governing body for student athletes in the USA. Your son or daughter will also have to register with the NCAA as an athlete. It should cost around £75-00 depending on exchange rates.

The next expense will be the SAT test required by the NCAA clearing house, this is to ensure all student athletes are able to study at a level that will see them gain a decent result in their chosen subjects. The SAT can be booked here http://sat.collegeboard.com/home . They will cost in the region of £45-00 again depending on the Dollar/ Pound exchange rate.

The final cost you will have to pay up front so to speak is the cost of a student visa; A F1 student visa to the USA will cost £121-00 or thereabouts again depending on exchange rates at the time of application. Information on Visas can be found here http://usimmigration.visapro.com/F1-Student-Visa.asp .

Any university that is going to invest in your son or daughter will have a proven track record when it comes to dealing with questions from parents and students from the UK and will have an international admissions department that will be able to advise you on specific requirements in all aspects of an application to a university in the USA. They will also be able to advise you on insurance plans and what needs to be covered. They will also be able to help with your visa application.

Coaches from the universities are only allowed to contact you once a week whilst you are considering offers from their school. They are allowed to answer any questions you ask directly but are not allowed to ring or email unless you ask them to.

We had one or two schools have different members of staff ring to get round the rule, we also had one or two apply undue pressure to sign up with them before we had time to consider other offers but on the whole they stuck to the rules as laid out by the NCAA.

In all I sent over a hundred emails and got thirty replies, some with partial scholarships, two saying they felt my daughter would not be suited to their program but crucially we had six offers of full scholarships.

Think long and hard on the offers you receive, make sure the school offers not only a decent sports program but make sure it has a high graduation rate too.

Bigger is not always better when it comes to the scholarships either. Your son or daughter will get more from the experience if the class sizes are reasonable and the campus is not over crowded.

Out of those six, we discounted two for being too pushy, one for being too much of a hassle in respect of travel and connecting flights.

Of the three left we took the degree courses on offer into account and had a good look at the level of the football program and then looked to see if the stage of development my daughter is at ties into their programs plans.

We didn’t take the highest offer either; our decisions were based purely on our daughters needs as a student and athlete. A full scholarship should cover tuition, room and board and the cost of books needed for course work.

My daughter has a full scholarship, she leaves in July/August 2011 to study at and play for a division 1 university. She’s over the moon and about to realise a dream she has held since she started playing football at 12 years old. Her first junior coach plays and studies in the USA and my daughter has always wanted to do the same.

Coaches are already looking two and three years ahead in the USA so the earlier you start the better chance you have of securing the right scholarship for your son or daughter. My daughter was lucky the right program for her was one of her preferred choices starting this autumn but we would have waited twelve months had the offer only been for next year. Do not rush into this, it’s too important to get wrong, think long and hard, I can’t stress that enough.

It’s not rocket science but you do need to do a lot of reading and check all of the information you are given before you make decisions. If your son or daughter wants it badly enough then you can make it a reality without having to find silly amounts of money up front and leaving them with big student loan debts.

Even having to pay for airfare and insurance my child will be 14 grand less in debt than her peers at UK universities. It’s just a crying shame the government, who promote education for all can’t see the opportunity it is denying hundreds of young people annually by being so unwilling to have an original thought when it comes to processing student loan applications.

How can they think that getting into 30K+ debt here in the UK is better than getting into 16K’s worth of debt by studying overseas? If that’s the kind of rational taught at Oxford and Cambridge my kid is defiantly better off going to study in the USA anyway.

Please bear in mind they call is soccer in the USA, I quickly learnt to put  ‘Soccer scholarship ‘ in the subject line of out going emails when I had one coach email me back saying that despite being 5’6 and a solid 135 lbs he felt my daughter was too small for his football team even as a wide receiver!

Some coaches it appears have a good sense of humour.

My next mission should I choose to accept it is to make sure we secure the funding for four years worth of travel and insurance.

That folks is a whole new set of issues to look at and overcome and should we manage with the help of friends, family, loans and bursaries I’ll probably feel compelled to write and let you all know how that worked out too.